Why does everything these days have to be an “experience”? Are our lives so dull that marketing men have become intent on making them sound more exciting for us?

If so, they’re very keen on the project. You can now buy Gift Experiences (days out), sample the Dr Who Experience (an exhibition with a Tardis in it) not to mention the British Music Experience at the 02 in London (which I’ve never been to, but honestly hope smells of a roadie’s BO).

And now they’re doing it with online gigs.

Announcing its first foray into streaming live shows, starting with a Delphic gig in London, a spokesman for Spotify said last week: “Giving our users access to great live music in their own home is the next step in the Spotify experience.”

What sort of experience is that? Apart from a sort of, sitting-at-home-watching-a-tinny-online-gig experience?

Years ago I semi-seriously suggested that sooner or later A&R men would stop going to gigs by bands north of Watford and instead would simply put their feet up in the office and watch the group online in their rehearsal room in Bradford or Glasgow or wherever they happened to be.

Actually for all I know, they’re probably doing this already (it’s probably called The Got No Singles Experience).

Meanwhile this Spotify gig – which by the way is sponsored by Nissan Juke…. a sort of ‘advertising experience’ – takes place on April 5 and really got us thinking.

So, in response, we here at GDFAL, are now looking for corporate sponsors to back our own brand new musical portal*

By setting up a webcam in the ‘office’ (formerly the front room), ‘users’, will be able to log-in and see me wading through a sack of mail, full of singles by anonymous electro idiots who have suffered, what we call, a terrible hairdresser experience.

The enhanced Going Deaf For A Living Experience will also see us getting occasionally very excited and stage diving off a chair, while bringing you closer to the frustration of trying to pick which 15 records I can squeeze into next week’s Radio 2 show.

Or which record by The Cure fits best into Wednesday’s 6Music programme (we might make this the interactive bit).

Talking of which, as I sit here trawling through the post, I’ve just found an excitingly gritty, souped-up punk rock cover of The Cure’s ‘Grinding Halt’ by The Death Set, which will be on the flipside of their new single ‘We Are Going Anywhere Man’.

And a copy of the new Friendly Fires single ‘Live Those Days Tonight’, which is an interesting bridge between their debut album and the new one (which by the sound of it is less carnival and more beach barbeque).

What else? There were a couple of great little forthcoming singles from Let’s Wrestle and Tigercats and a copy of the forthcoming Fierce Panda cassette-compilation ‘Tape Fear’, which features 17 American bands squawking and bashing their way through a riotous collection of lo-fi Pop including Fang Island’s headbanging ‘Daisy’, the distorted chaos of Herzog and the C-86-esque tweeness of Grass Widow.

Twin Sister, Dum Dum Girls and Savoir Adore also make an appearance, although I’m only halfway through Side Two so far. The cassette is out on April 4, and they’ll be a download version a month later.

The FP boys are girls are also celebrating the label’s 17th Anniversary next month with a night at the Scala in Kings Cross on April 7 headlined by our old friends Goldheart Assembly who’ve just unveiled a new track ‘Harvest In The Snow’ (video below)which you can download from their website

Or maybe even see you at the gig….for the full Beard And Harmony Experience.

• Portal is another of our Top 5 Most Loathed New Media Buzz Words.

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